Happy long term marriages successfully share their personalities based on opposite attention styles. Just think for a moment about happy couples that you know or maybe you are one of them) and think about whether this is true.

One partner being narrow/objective oriented (good organiser, planner but easily generating new problems, even expecting them in the future). Another partner being diffuse/immerse dominant (laid back, happy with the way it is, enjoying every day, often being accused of laziness and not focusing on goals). These couples may experience rows every now and then but they are usually more stable as they are complementary in their attention styles preferences, being balanced as a team.


Often a narrow/objective dominant person learns from a partner how to diffuse and immerse. The same applies to a diffused/immersed person who balances him/herself becoming more narrow and objective. Each of them naturally become more attentionally flexible. Balancing may be also triggered by a newborn baby. It makes a diffused person more organised (focused). A narrow attention dominant partner becomes more diffused (accepting chaos in life associated with a little child).

The problem starts when partners are the same attention style dominant. For example two objective partners can keep arguing stating never fulfilled expectations they have of each other. Two diffused partners cannot organise their lives around work, children, etc. It is also unfortunate (but very common) that when one partner evolves becoming more balanced while the other stays fixated on a single style. They often feel that something has changed but they do not understand what.


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